FAVORITE PERSONAL AD OF THE DAY:
Girlfriend Job Description - 41 m4wGirlfriend Job Description
Successful and Talented Guys, Inc. ("STG") has an immediate need for a Girlfriend for its President/CEO. The CEO works for a leveraged buyout ("LBO") company that acquires companies with purchase prices of $10 million to $100 million. Before becoming interested in mergers and acquisitions, he studied international relations (specifically, defense policy and arms control) at Harvard University and had a research fellowship at Harvard Business School. He also has a background in computer science and information systems, having been a senior software engineer. The CEO's business interests include corporate strategy, competitive analysis, business process reengineering, project and team management, knowledge management, and commercial applications of the Internet. His other interests include classical music, the performing arts, microeconomics, political economy and law. Previous Girlfriends describe the CEO as brilliant, or as one said, "scary smart."
Type of Position — This is a romantic position, not a Platonic position. Although the CEO wants his Girlfriend to become his best friend, STG has zero interest in "friends first" types of relationships (the CEO believes they should be outlawed). If the CEO is attracted to you, he will try to kiss you early in the process.
Status of Position — Ordinarily employees hired by STG report to the CEO; he is their boss. For this position we are making an exception. The CEO is looking for an equal partner, someone he completely respects and who is not subordinate in any way. At the same time, the CEO does not expect to have the Girlfriend as his boss. The CEO is not looking for a "trophy" Girlfriend.
Duties — The Girlfriend's duties include attending dinners, movies, cultural events and parties with the CEO. Regular cuddling with and kissing the CEO are essential parts of the job.
Characteristics — Applicants should be outgoing, positive, optimistic (sees the glass as half full, not half empty), not moody, and energetic. A sense of humor are essential for this position. The CEO prefers Girlfriends who laugh and smile a lot and who do not take themselves too seriously.
Education — Most of the women who have previously held this position have held graduate degrees, but this is not essential. The CEO is attracted to women with exceptional intelligence and who have a wide range of intellectual interests. Extraordinary artistic creativity is also highly treasured.
Gender — Applicants must be female; no males will be considered for this position. Please note that STG does not abide by Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
Transgendered Individuals — Not only must applicants be female, but they must have been born female. STG will not consider individuals who used to be male and have had a sex change.
Health — Applicants should be in good health. Candidates should be free of any physical, mental and emotional handicaps. Emotional stability is essential. Any emotional baggage must be carry on, rather than dozen of suitcases. If you're nuts, this is the wrong position for you, irrespective of whatever medications you are taking. STG regularly flouts the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990.
Physical Attributes — The CEO prefers women who are normal weight, whose weight is proportional to their height. Slightly thin or a few pounds overweight is OK, really thin or more than a little bit overweight is not. The CEO is only attracted to women with curves and who are more buxom than flat chested. Height and hair and eye color do not matter.
Manners — AManners and kindness to strangers are extremely important to STG. In addition, STG does not want to consider applicants who are flaky or are space cadets. If an applicant is not good at returning telephone calls or e-mails, if she regularly shows up late, if she can't get her act together to treat others courteously and with respect, she is not a good candidate for STG.
Follow Through — If the CEO is interested in you, he will pursue you — dates, phone calls, e-mails, flowers and candy. STG requires that prospective Girlfriends be able to "step up to the plate" — i.e., if you're interested in the CEO, invest time and energy into the relationship, return telephone quickly and respond to e-mails.
Sufficient Time — STG is only interested in applicants who have suficient time and energy to Previous track record as a successful Girlfriend is preferred but not required. STG provides on-the-job training.
Romantic — The CEO is highly romantic and affectionate and it's essential that applicants are the same. You should be comfortable with tasteful public displays of affection.
Feminine Characteristics — The CEO is attracted to highly feminine women who are total girl girl. If an applicant asks, "What do you mean by feminine?" that is not a good sign.
Dress Code — STG does not have a formal dress code. The CEO prefers girlfriends who dress well (skirts and dresses), particularly for dates. If an applicant is not going to dress up for a date, realistically she should consider other companies. Women with a sense of fashion will be given special consideration.
Social Activities — In addition to purchasing companies, the CEO runs a social group which has become the most popular social group in Boston. He gives one large cocktail party at the Ritz-Carlton each month in the Grand Ballroom, with approximately 550 people showing up. He gives two smaller cocktail parites each month, with 100 to 150 people attending. He also gives one or two dinner parties a month, as well as hosting numerous other events. (It's a rough life.) A prospective Girlfriend must enjoy socializing and have the social poise to meet and interact with lots of different people. Information on his parties is available at www kensingtonllc com /parties.
Commuting Required — The CEO resides and works in Waltham. In order to minimize commuting time, STG prefers applicants who reside in Eastern Massachusetts. Applicants who live more than 30 minutes from Waltham cannot be considered, as the CEO is not looking for long distance relationships. An exception might be made for those who live elsewhere and are totally mobile and could easily relocate.
Personal Organization — We prefer applicants who have basic organizational skills. If you're unable to show up on time, or to return telephone calls promptly, that would be a problem. The CEO has no interest in dating flakes or space cadets.
Professional Experience — Previous track record as a successful Girlfriend is required. If a girl has never had a successful prior relationship with a boyfriend, STG prefer that she obtain her basic training elsewhere, as STG does not have the resources to train beginners.
Children — STG prefers applicants who either do not have children or do not have children living at home, but will consider applicants with children if they can demonstrate that such kids will not seriously impact the applicant's performance as a Girlfriend. The CEO has dated women with children and has become tired of "I can't find a babysitter" talks. In addition, if the CEO is interested in you, he will make you the most important person in his life, and he expects the same. Those who have children living at home should expect detailed questioning very early in the process about how much time an applicant could devote to a relationship. STG proudly violates the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993.
Animals — The CEO has a dog, Cassie. Part of the Girlfriend's job is to pet her when she requests. Accordingly, it's essential that prospective Girlfriends love dogs and not be allergic to them.
Smoking — STG has a strict non-smoking policy. Applicants who smoke (even just occasionally) will not be considered. Those who have quit should have not smoked for at least one year.
Sexual Preference — STG does discriminate based on an applicant's sexual preference. If a woman is not attracted to men, she will not be considered for this position. We do not have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
Sexual Harassment Policy — STG does not have an anti-sexual harassment policy. If the CEO is attracted to an applicant, he will try to kiss her.
Computer Skills — The CEO is a "guru" in computers. Outstanding computer skills are not required of applicants, but total ineptitude in using computers would be a drawback.
Salary — There is no salary for this position but there is an excellent benefits package.
Hours — This is a part-time position. If there is mutual interest, almost from the beginning the CEO would want two dates a week with the applicant. Once the initial probationary period has ended, the work hours will be increased to increased to include more dates and sleepovers, followed by living together. In additional, weekend trips are part of the job.
Time to Devote to the Job — STG is only interested in applicants who have the necessary time and energy to devote to this exciting position. Applicants who travel a lot for their job, who are constantly busy, who have other responsibilies that preclude investing a lot of time and energy for a potential long-term relationship should not apply. If there is mutual interest, STG is interested in applicants who would like to date twice a week or more. Applicants who put their career ahead of finding love should consider other companies.
Career Ladder — STG offers an excellent career path for the appropriate candidate, as a Girlfriend who successfully demonstrates she is the CEO's soulmate will be promoted to fiancée and then to Wife. Please note that the fiancée position is expected in all cases to be temporary and to lead to promotion to Wife within a reasonable time frame. STG has a "promote from within" policy and therefore STG is unable to consider applicants who want to become the CEO's Wife immediately.
Unemployed Applicants — STG prefers applicants who currently have no Boyfriends.
Application Deadline — Since the Girlfriend position is not currently filled, our need is immediate. Early applications are encouraged.
Application Process — Ordinarily STG's Human Resources department screens all resumes. Due to the desire of filling this position quickly, applicants should bypass the Human Resources department and send an e-mail directly to the CEO. If you don't have a photo online, please e-mail it to james at kensingtonllc com.
Materials to Include — Applications should include their telephone number, as the CEO has no interest in developing e-mail pals. If the CEO likes your application, he will call you, not e-mail you. In addition, applicants must include one or more photos, ideally including a full body shot. The CEO will respond with a photo for those who so request.
Serious Applicants Only — STG is only interested in applicants who are looking for a serious, committed, deeply intimate relationship. Those who are not over their ex, who don't know what they want in a guy, who don't have the time to devote to pursuing a relationship, who want to date several men at the same time, or who are not looking for a serious relationship should not apply for this position.
Resumes — Resumes are not required as part of the application process.
References — References from previous Boyfriends are not required. References from the CEO's previous Girlfriends will not be provided.
Writing Samples — Writing samples are not required. Literacy is a requirement, however.
Interview Process — The CEO will conduct a telephone interview after receiving your e-mail. In-person interviews will be conducted at a restaurant of the applicant's choosing. Successful applicants will be invited to a second interview, perhaps consisting of a day trip.
Please Note — If you're applying for the position, please include one or more photographs (including a full body shot) (send to james at kensingtonllc com) and your phone numbers. The CEO is not interested in obtaining new e-mail buddies, so talking on the phone is important.
It's long, but I LOVE it!-------------------------------
FAVORITE MISSED CONNECTION OF THE DAY:
MC with my Sweaty CTA Card - m4w....we could never date or even casually canoodle now that I'd always have "sweaty boy" nickname hanging over my head. Thanks Ms Bus Driver, no really, thanks, wanna come home and kick my dog while you're at it too?
Cool necklaces.....
:-)
This is definitely a love-hate thing.
